Monday, June 14, 2010

Bedouins, Basil and Batoolas

Many new things have happened since I managed to finish and post a blog! Today was pretty special – I was invited to tea at the home of a Sheikha of one of the five primary families here in Doha. I was one of fifty westerners invited. Her home is ‘across the street’ from the U.S. Ambassador’s Residence, needless to say an amazingly upscale neighborhood with large signs declaring ‘No Photographs!’ and its own private security force. My husband dropped me at the front gate of her compound and upon passing through it – there was a home the size of a small hotel. Gorgeous lines, built of concrete, three stories with winding balconies. There were huge plants in Italian pots and mature palm trees. A beautiful fountain was in the center of the courtyard. The tea was to be held in the women’s’ majalis which was off to the right side of the house. The men’s majalis off to the left was a completely separate building – the women’s side looked more like a wing of the house. I found later that it was actually in the basement of the house so the women would not have to go outside – they have the option of stairs or an elevator.

We were directed to the proper entrance by a young man who waved frantically at us after I think we tried to enter the garage. We entered through large double glass doors and went down lushly carpeted steps. At the bottom of the steps there was a huge bush with large bright red flowers – turns out they were silk but here in the desert - silk flowers are totally understandable. We wound left into a foyer that was at a minimum forty feet by forty feet. The wall on the left had sinks all with bottles of soap, perfume and lotions. Each sink had baskets of hand towels with ornate gold mirrors above them. The countertop was marble and as someone pointed out – one piece of marble. The sinks are used for the cleansing ablutions before prayers.

Next we entered the main room of the majalis (also spelled mejilis or majlis) – which in Arabic means “a place of sitting”. There were large rugs end to end – blues, greens and golden designs and chairs lined up around the room. The windows were covered – golden blackout curtains with royal blue drapes – three huge sets. The tiebacks were cords of intertwined gold and blue that were the size of my wrists and everything was proportionally beautiful. The light fixtures would have made us laugh in a store in the U.S. but they are amazing here – flush against the ceiling with at least five hundred small bulbs. There were several maids serving tea in tiny cups and saucers on silver trays. They were in uniforms and gliding around in socks.

At one end of the room were four wing backed chairs covered in tapestried fabrics that were for the guests of honor and three sides of the room had low cushioned chairs with a small table in front of every other one. Behind the low chairs there was a row of wooden straight backed (not as comfortable) chairs and on two sides of the room behind the wooden chairs there were rows of sofas with big overstuffed pillows. Now even if the wooden chairs were usually not there and brought in today from the dining room in the house (most Qatari dining rooms seat at least twenty) – there would still be ample room at any given time for at least a hundred women to visit comfortably.

Majalis is a very common word here. I thought they were similar to game rooms or pool houses but they are actually self-contained small houses with no bedrooms. They are used frequently as families gather together here quite often and most socializing is with members of the extended family. There are actually advertisements here for majalis furniture – lightweight oversized sectional seating that is easily transported. We often pass pickup trucks with towers of this type of furniture being moved from one huge outdoor majalis to another for various celebrations. An outdoor majalis is a huge rectangular tent with vinyl windows and air conditioners used mostly by men to break the fast during Ramadan, celebrate a wedding or other family event.

After entering the main room of the majalis – straight ahead was a large buffet table covered with food – amazing Middle Eastern foods of every type except the ones I expected to see. There was no hummus – there was a chicken dish that resembled it but was very bland. There were no swarmas – small spicy sandwiches that are staples here but there were grape leaves that stuffed with rice and something delicious. There was a dish of round yellow things in a cream sauce that was a Pakistani sweet and included ‘lemon milk’ and cornmeal. It didn’t sound great but as I was trying to taste everything – I took one and once I tasted it – I wished I had taken ten. There were dates with sesame seeds – we were told that in the Middle East one should always start a meal with a date – they do pass dates in a basket on Qatar Airways Business class along with Turkish coffee so it could be true – it is like having dessert first! Egyptian Koshary, which I tried in Cairo and was not a fan of, was served here with a spicy red sauce, daintier pasta and Arborio rice. I am now officially a fan!

Sweets from this part of the world are full of pistachios, dates, honey, and sesame seeds and are usually wrapped in thin layers of phylo. When we go to our local bakery – there is no way to buy a few – they are sold by the kilo – when we try to buy four or six – they laugh as they give them to us at no charge as it is too light an order to weigh!

My very favorite thing was the bowls of herbs and perfume. I was sure it was the mint and rose oil that I have read about, but it was the local basil (mashmoom or Thai basil) that grows almost wild here and if I understood properly each family has a perfume created when a daughter marries. In the bridal suite, the mixture of herb and oil is put on trays and placed underneath the bed and on of top of closets (armoires) and the air conditioner turned to high for a few hours before the couple arrives. The scent is unforgettable and in the future if the wife wants to remind the husband of their first night together – she mixes a batch and fills their home with the aroma.

It was interesting as many women arrived completely covered (here in Qatar when a woman is covered the only thing visible is her eyes) and after removing their abayas and niquabs, they were dressed in colorful chiffon jallabiyas, which are long loose gowns that are usually beaded or embroidered. They were very welcoming and encouraged us to ask anything we were curious about. The two eldest women were wearing butoolas, which are hammered metal golden masks with room for the eyes that stop just below the nose. Until the last quarter of a century, all women in Qatari Bedouin tribes wore these and creating them was apparently an art. I have read that the only women encouraged to wear them these days are older women who are direct descendants of the original tribes (AKA elite wealthy Qatari families).

I finally figured out that all of the arriving Qatari women are members of one extended family. We were told that this was the first time they had opened their home to foreigners. They were making an exceptional effort to introduce us to their culture and were very interested in our thoughts about Qatar. One of our hostesses, Mozza, talked about her family life and there was much bantering back and forth with another woman around her same age. I assume they were sisters in law, and the differences in how they approached their marriages were interesting. The approach to marriage here is so very different than in the US to begin with that it was surprising to realize that there are such differences within one family. This conversation makes any future generalizing difficult. One was from a very conservative family and only met her husband on the day they married, although she was quick to say that her parents would not have forced her to marry him and she was fine with them selecting her husband. Her father and the groom’s father were cousins. It is very common to marry within your family here. As she was saying this, the other woman was waving her hand and shaking her head. She said that her family encouraged her to meet her future husband several times before the marriage.

The question of multiple wives was right below the surface. The Emir of Qatar has four wives and there are several gorgeous homes here with four matching slightly smaller but also gorgeous homes next door. One woman sensed that we were being cautious about what questions we asked and announced that if we were to ask most Qatari men how many wives they had; the overwhelming answer would be one. One of the women said her father-in-law had four wives and her mother-in-law was a much younger number three. Then a woman in a beautiful beaded jallabiya (she earlier asked me why I wore my hair so short when I would be beautiful and more feminine with long hair) stood and said that all of the women in this room were singular wives and would have it no other way.

In my conversation with an Egyptian friend after the tea, I learned that the Sheikha would very much have liked more questions, more dialog and felt we were overly sensitive. She felt she had opened her home to us so that we could learn more about how they live and would have been very receptive to us staying longer and talking more openly.

Later I also heard that a few American women were very concerned that religion might be discussed so decided to skip the entire event. I assumed they were being sensitive to the world situation between Christians and Muslims. NOT – they were afraid that this entire tea was a set up so that the Muslim women could do an Arabic version of proselytizing and attempt to convert us to Islam. Although we were given a copy of ‘Understanding Islam’ (along with a foil packet of the incredible herb and perfume mix ) as we left and I did pick up a copy of “How the Bible Led me to Islam” to read, I think that idea was rather a stretch of the imagination.

Doha is a special place and I have already met some incredibly complex people from different areas of the world, from different cultures with varied outlooks on life. I am making every effort to enjoy my time with them and learn all that I can.